Long Walks and Thoughts

One of my favourite walks stretches from the spunky Esplanade to the heyday long-gone Clifford Pier. This evening I decided to take a stroll on my own, after getting some stuff from Funan Centre. As usual, sea-nery, sets against the soft orange lamp lights of our city nightscape never fails to be therapeutic. This is when I shut off from the surroundings, and got in touch with the inner thoughts. And I haven’t had time to take a breather to think things through since end 2004. First, it was the year-end rush for deadlines, then there was the long-awaited Taipei trip to keep me busy, and finally after the trip, the need to quickly get back on track for some serious work.

When I have time to take some time off, like this evening, some sense of wistful longing always gets at me. Longing for moments that have slipped me by; moments that seemed not too long ago but are gone and no longer within grasp.

Over the last two years, my relationship with my cousins came to an all-time low. I remember the times we used to take long walks really late at night when I flew over for visits. Then, we talked about dreams and our lives. I was 17 or 18, with life’s many big unknowns waiting to be discovered. They (4 cousins in all) just got out of college, waiting for the right opportunities to make it big. And before we realise how years have caught up, my favourite cousin was getting married. And that was when our relationship took a turn for reasons I’ve yet to fathom. The strain remains a standstill and none of us had really sat down to talk things through. Not when we’re quite remotely apart.

Then I remember the fun times in poly, when we did filming into the wee hours. And the evening classes in SIM, when we enthusiastically attended class not for fear of missing any lesson but for the nonsensical ra-ra and bla-blas. I love “groupie” stuffs. The feeling of togetherness, of working towards a goal as a group. The best groupie days were those in school – CGS, NP, SIM… Work hasn’t helped fill the hollow thus far. But I certainly hope I grow my company to eventually build a team of such very soon.

My thoughts flitted by very quickly from one to another on evenings like this. I started to think about my next step from now. My career’s at a crossroad. There are too many uncertainties and quite a lot at stake. In fact, my work has consumed so much of my time, mind and everything else over the last year that I haven’t really thought about other things, like taking time off to learn something new; meeting new people and friends, or keep in touch more often with people who used to be a part of my life. I am very much aware that this has to change. Let’s say, towards second half of the year, I'll embark on a personal trip of new learning points; I promise myself I’ll focus on getting Runway to fly well during the first half.

For all the little things I remember, I hope they stay etched in the mind just the way I like them. I’m grateful for having those times I could only now relive in thoughts. And I’m glad when I’m hit by solitude, I have the companionship of memories.

How about you? What crosses your mind in the quietude of the evening? Who, from years ago, do you recall when you catch up with memories?