My Grandma is One of a Kind

For my grandma. It seemed almost pretentious that I could write about her after her demise since we didn't really talk when she was around. But I saw more pretence amongst some people, which is probably best left unaddressed now.

-----------------------

My grandma was a dreamer. She believed she hold the key to Singapore Pools’ Toto winning formula. She was Sesame Street’s greatest fan and would watch it religiously for ‘inspiration’ to formulate her next bet. She never did strike a huge fortune, with the biggest winning only in the hundreds. But she shared all her prize money – bought us food, candies (when we were much younger) and once, even sponsored a trip for the family to visit our relatives in Indonesia.

My grandma was much naive. A patient at the hospital where my late uncle was receiving treatment had requested her to send a letter to the Philippines. Helpfully, she brought the letter home, asking me to complete the favour. She inspected the stamps I had glued on the envelope and told me the letter would not reach. She had noticed that I did not use Filipina stamps to send the letter from Singapore to the Philippines.

My grandma was quite a food-lover. She used to cook for the family and was the critic of mum’s cooking. She recalled recipes off her head and had a good appetite. The last time she could be fed through the mouth, she asked for green bean soup. But I knew she would rather have rojak, cha kway tiao or roti prata.

My grandma was a beauty. When sorting her things out, I found passport photos that chronicled her age. I noticed how emaciated she had looked in the most recent photo; I realised how much I had neglected her. She loved to look good and would draw her brows every morning. She would sometimes sigh at her wrinkled face. I think I chose the right photo in her memorial.

My grandma was a survivor. Most aches and pains were endured in silence. She escaped from a full stroke that could land her bed-ridden. The partial stroke left her still mobile, though less nimble.

Then, my grandma fell very sick. The onset was sudden and the cause unknown. She fought the bacteria hard and overcame it. A second attack seized her; she won again. However she did not score a hat-trick when hit the third time.

We had never been really close. My care for her had always been obliged in duty and respect. We seldom talked but she had always stood by when the family needed her. She loved her children and grandchildren. The proofs of her love, I leave it to every one of us to realise and remember.

And if she lived again, I wish we could know each other better.

Woes of a Single Woman

I'm 26, going on 27 with immense potential to qualify as a spinster, looking at my pathetic lack of suitors at this point in time. But this is not too bad at all - it can't be that bad being swinging single as long as you live life to the fullest.

Things only seem really ominous when the realisation of what being the eldest means set in. Please don't read this as the complainy old-maid-to-be's unfounded worries. It's a true reflection of what I face and fear but have come to accept as life's true test of my tenacity and fortitude.

I was born to a small but complete family with mom and dad, and a younger brother whose inability to put on weight makes me really jealous! With the kind hands of destiny, my parents are blessed with ignorance. My dad has no concept whatsoever on what being responsible to a family means. But thank goodness, his looks (or lack-of) does not breed problems of extramarital affairs with sly mistresses breaking families up as seen on tv. His problem lies with him being a major sponsor of the fodder they feed the horses at the turf club. He made no plans or savings for his retirement, leaves me with the responsibility of worrying about the bills and throws me with nonsensical demands that I'm better off ignoring them.

My mom has slightly better savings concept but squandered a large part of the money we gave her (behind my back) on X sets of stainless steel pots we don't need. She also made the mark and won the uncontested title of the "Notorious Tigeress" having quarelled with all relatives that she could possibly disagree with.

All that said, I truly do care about my family. I appreciate my mom for cooking the dinners and my dad for recycling used stamps so that I save heaps on postage at work. Picture perfect? Far from it. And this I learnt 2 years back when my grandma got very sick.

Since my mom is a housewife and my uncles and aunties not in Singapore, it became default that I undertake the duty of footing my grandma's hospitalisation bills and give her support in ways I could. My grandma passed away 6 months after struggling with an infection that left her weak and helpless. Though we were never really close, except in proximity, she became one of my greatest regrets. I could have done more, I should have read the signs earlier that she was unwell...these thoughts haunted me for quite a while. The whole ordeal brought to light that the physically straining and emotionally draining care-giving task might revisit when my parents grew old. This scares me a lot. It scares me even more to think how financially-ready I must be for that day as my parents are not self-sufficient. Then there's my brother, who's still in school and won't really be ready to contribute until his NS is over.

Given that I've taken a not quite commonly-trodden career path of running a small business, more uncertainties behold. Of course I could always return to corporate work; not too difficult for a well-qualified, self-declared intelligent young woman. But that is not what I wish. I have my goals, and I long for the wings to fly them high. Surely reasons like my family background and life's constraints are not going to cripple me of taking these flights. Surely having come this far from a paltry start-up capital which I had to borrow from a friend would mean that I have a good chance of making it good.

Now if the above has painted a grey picture of my mental state, then allow me to dismiss it. Things could have been worse, like it is for many others who deserve a fair chance at a good life but are denied due to sheer circumstances. Besides, I'm not alone. My closest pals shoulder similar responsibilities and are doing their parts well. And despite the occasional grouses, I am afterall a born optimist, pressing on with my silly grins because the game is not over.

Crescent Girls 4/1 Bravado Anniversary 10.5

Yeah! I finally got down to mass-emailing my CGS 4/1 class for the anniversary get-together. I'm copying the message here for those whom I still can't get in touch with, and for some weird reasons might chance upon my blog....hahaha....

------ Forwarded Message
From: Piya Chee
Date: Mon, 21 Mar 2005 23:20:24 +0800
To: CGS Class of 4/1 (1994)
Subject: CGS 4/1 Bravado Anniversary 10.5

hello gals, hello Mrs Selva!
how are all of you doing? hope you like my roaring greetings.

It's been a long long time. And nope, we haven't forgotten about the 10th Anniversary get-together, long over-due but we can still make it before the anniversary hits 11.

Why Anniversary 10.5 (read subject line again)? Just think! We graduated in December 1994; and that makes December 2004 the magical 10th year and since it's now 3 months past that, it should have been 10.25th Anniversary, but considering that 2 decimal place's a little clumsy, let's just call it the 10.5th Anniversary Bravado Reunion!

Get ready for it. And spread the message around to fellow ol' gals - this email should reach most of you but do me a little favour by checking the name list attached. The addresses may not be updated, so if you happen to know who's out of the loop, do help inform. There are some who're still out of touch - Jackie, Soumitra, Carroll, Choon Huay, to name a few - if you are in contact with them, pls help.

Here are the details
Date: Sat 2 Apr
Venue: Swenson's Holland Village
Meeting Time: 12.30pm (inside restaurant)

Pls rsvp via email or comments on this blog by 27 Mar 2005, so I can do necessary reservation. See you! Meanwhile, stay cool and funky!

Cheers!
Piya

p/s: watch your email for more updates nearer the day.


------ End of Forwarded Message

The Ink Them Action List 2005

Order order! Discipline discipline! Now that a quarter of the year is nearly over, it's really time for me to get things moving. Nothing much has progressed since the start of the year and I'm getting impatient with myself. Now it's time to translate "I think" to "I ink". Self-discipline is key or 3 years later I'll still be telling Jade that "I'll go for driving lessons soon" or to Choy I'll still be saying "I think I might be able to get a car a year from now". This is enough. I'm tired of status quo!

THE 'INK THEM ' ACTION LIST 2005!!!

(1) Lose extra fats - see I used to look quite slim, but quite pimply. The spots are long gone, but the fats come strong. I should be ideally weighing around 58kg. Work out is a must and I finally got my butts moving today to Mount Faber. So I'm off to Mount Faber once every weekend, and when I can, go for slow jogs every evening!

(2) Learn a new skill - I'm not a proponent of government agenda but I'm serious about self-improvement. This May, I shall take up a Dreamweaver course.

(3) Spread the words about Runway - For the show at Runway to run on, well and good, it's time for serious marketing. Slated to start in March, marketing plans have been postponed time and again as we were constantly bogged down by what I call the trivial neccessities. In April, marketing action must materialise or all the big plans I've dreamt of so much will once again come to nought. *scary....*

(4) Learn driving - this depends on several factors but hopefully I won't need to postpone it any time later than this year.

(5) Ok, I need to think about the last one on this list. Meanwhile, the first 4 is enough to keep me busy for the next quarter at least.

Father and son

I was at Great World City earlier this afternoon...together with XY who was looking desperately for a pair of black shoes to buy. Not much luck with shoes but I chanced upon a heart-warming incident at Hush Puppies which I promise to blog.

An old grand-daddy saw this pair of comfort shoes he liked at Hush Puppies which I think cost around $40. His son (in his 40s) was about to get the shoes but old grand-daddy decided not to cos it's too expensive. The son got round to the salesguy (apparently scheming some ploy), and I overheard this conversation exchange:

Son: Dad you like this pair right? Let's get it. It's cheaper than $40, they will give us discount. (Turning to salesguy) Right?

Salesguy: (in his goondoo smile and really can't-act-for-nuts-sake expression) Yes yes, it's on offer now.

Grand-daddy: No, you don't bluff me.... It's ok, I don't want the shoes.

Son: It's ok dad. Let's get the shoes.

Grand-daddy did not agree right away and wanted to leave. It was only with much persuasion and conviction that the shoes were indeed on offer that the grand-daddy finally ok'd the purchase.

Of cos, there's no further discount on the $40 shoes but the shoes look very affordable to the son whose income level seems comfortable. Still, the shoes must have been really expensive. Love makes it priceless.

Sensory Overload

Oh no. I'm down with sensory overload. The symptoms are telling. The sleep was light, with images flashing across my subconcious throughout the wee hours. I was in a drifty mental state when I woke up this morning. And I was having aches - those not of physical strain but more of a certain unrest within.

So how do you catch sensory overload? When you engage your mind in hyper-activity by opening a floodgate of sensory feeds. The Fish Leong concert did it. And 2 chapters of Howl's Moving Castle just before I dozed off unleashed busy flickers of imagery. First it was music, cheering and claps. Then there were the magical transposition through dimensions and space, not unlike the fascinating charm of the moving castle.

Hopefully, tonight's Apprentice might undo these all. That's why I need routine - to restore order once in a while.

iSpeak

I'm getting iFatigue. The i-brands are sprouting out everywhere, most probably following the hugely successful branding of the iMac, iPod, iTunes etc.

But copycat branding ain't too cool. Now I think twice about getting an iSqueeze and won't even think of drinking iSport. Even i, robots isn't too great a movie.

iSigh.