Woes of a Single Woman

I'm 26, going on 27 with immense potential to qualify as a spinster, looking at my pathetic lack of suitors at this point in time. But this is not too bad at all - it can't be that bad being swinging single as long as you live life to the fullest.

Things only seem really ominous when the realisation of what being the eldest means set in. Please don't read this as the complainy old-maid-to-be's unfounded worries. It's a true reflection of what I face and fear but have come to accept as life's true test of my tenacity and fortitude.

I was born to a small but complete family with mom and dad, and a younger brother whose inability to put on weight makes me really jealous! With the kind hands of destiny, my parents are blessed with ignorance. My dad has no concept whatsoever on what being responsible to a family means. But thank goodness, his looks (or lack-of) does not breed problems of extramarital affairs with sly mistresses breaking families up as seen on tv. His problem lies with him being a major sponsor of the fodder they feed the horses at the turf club. He made no plans or savings for his retirement, leaves me with the responsibility of worrying about the bills and throws me with nonsensical demands that I'm better off ignoring them.

My mom has slightly better savings concept but squandered a large part of the money we gave her (behind my back) on X sets of stainless steel pots we don't need. She also made the mark and won the uncontested title of the "Notorious Tigeress" having quarelled with all relatives that she could possibly disagree with.

All that said, I truly do care about my family. I appreciate my mom for cooking the dinners and my dad for recycling used stamps so that I save heaps on postage at work. Picture perfect? Far from it. And this I learnt 2 years back when my grandma got very sick.

Since my mom is a housewife and my uncles and aunties not in Singapore, it became default that I undertake the duty of footing my grandma's hospitalisation bills and give her support in ways I could. My grandma passed away 6 months after struggling with an infection that left her weak and helpless. Though we were never really close, except in proximity, she became one of my greatest regrets. I could have done more, I should have read the signs earlier that she was unwell...these thoughts haunted me for quite a while. The whole ordeal brought to light that the physically straining and emotionally draining care-giving task might revisit when my parents grew old. This scares me a lot. It scares me even more to think how financially-ready I must be for that day as my parents are not self-sufficient. Then there's my brother, who's still in school and won't really be ready to contribute until his NS is over.

Given that I've taken a not quite commonly-trodden career path of running a small business, more uncertainties behold. Of course I could always return to corporate work; not too difficult for a well-qualified, self-declared intelligent young woman. But that is not what I wish. I have my goals, and I long for the wings to fly them high. Surely reasons like my family background and life's constraints are not going to cripple me of taking these flights. Surely having come this far from a paltry start-up capital which I had to borrow from a friend would mean that I have a good chance of making it good.

Now if the above has painted a grey picture of my mental state, then allow me to dismiss it. Things could have been worse, like it is for many others who deserve a fair chance at a good life but are denied due to sheer circumstances. Besides, I'm not alone. My closest pals shoulder similar responsibilities and are doing their parts well. And despite the occasional grouses, I am afterall a born optimist, pressing on with my silly grins because the game is not over.