Keeping the Faith

There are times, we seem to have walked apart
With diverging pursuits, and priorities
There isn't time to slow down and talk
To find common grounds again
Our lives have changed, our wants differ
There are times when we cast doubts
Perhaps, the day that spells the end will come
Sooner than death should keep us apart
We know we won't say it
Because we don't like to address it
We think we don't understand each other anymore
I thought you don't care to listen afterall
You thought I don't empathise like before

We can't deny the gradual drift
We may not like our dissimilar dreams
Someone else may take your spot
Someone else may claim my attention
But... we have come so far, haven't we?
Why should changing lives close our tangling loops?
We can seek our respective goals
And share the joy of our personal wins
We may not know each other's angst
Nor truly go through the same sad thing
But when I need someone
I know I can count on you
Let's keep the faith. Let's keep the faith.

too-jiro-jiro-egg

I saw a large advert at Borders yesterday and the guy on the poster says 2008 will be a "make it happen" year. Then I thought to myself that my 2008 will be a "let it happen" year and 2009 a "make it happen" year.

despite not being exceptionally excited over what i'm doing for a living now, i know ploughing through it this year will be crucial in what i hope to make happen next. if i haven't been understood correctly, i am in neutral state of mind and heart. i bear no love for what i do in the day but it also doesn't bother me that much either.

2-0-0-8 shall be the year I let things happen as decided, then plan + action one step at a time, towards the 2-0-0-9 aspiration. There's another thing i resolve to work on this year - to move myself away from the 'shuuji' role, learning to be more open and honest with my opinions, without losing my tact.

My letter, cyber, virtual affairs recollected

Happy 2008!

Today I remember the fun times I had back in CGS and I actually had my days of writing to pen pals! But none as exciting as XY's jailbird penpal who could had been doing his time for theft or maybe rape or maybe murder!!! But that's all our speculations, never got round to clarifying...

Anyway, one of the penpals that I wrote most often to was a german gal [*gasp!* the german connection started way back when I was 15]. She made me send her all the stamps she pasted on the envelope so that she could recycle it. She was as smart as my ah pa who is Singapore's top of the tops stamp recycling activist. Anyway I stopped writing, cos she's a she getting boring or rather our exchanges were getting insipid. To be honest, I can learn all I want about german culture through the encyclopedia (there wasn't wikipedia then). I think my intention of penpaling was really living the fairy tale of how love can develop over distance through stamps, ink and papers. Penpals must be out of fashion now, heh?

Then came poly days when I got addicted to....(ahem...it's a bit embarassing to admit) *whisper* ircing. All those time-wasting days in the computer labs, doing nothing but chatting frivolous small-talks with folks whom I fantasized to be cute, lanky and who knew, turned out to be oily kwalis. And there was one senior whom I've been apparently in contact with (but never met) even after he graduated - I wiped him out of memory so cleanly that I seriously got no freaking idea since when I had a sworn brother who addressed me as "dearest pi** mei mei" in his last desperate letter to me, to ask why I haven't been writing... I quit school-ircing about 4 - 5 months after I first started. To be more specific, I quit after all fantasy bubbles burst.

After graduating, amid the struggles over boring work life, I actually found time again to entangle myself in cyber web of friends. The whole head over heels cycle repeated and I imagined a possible high-class Gucci get-together (derived from Khoo-Chee, and I shan't explain why...it's simply too embarassing). This time it wasn't that horrifying, and I actually entertained the idea of turning virtuality to reality. For those who knew, the story didn't end that way of course. When the shield of virtuality vanished, the magic of imagination dissipated too....

This saga, ends, once and for all, any future indulgence in building a friendship that started on the basis of mystique. The face-to-face getting-to-know-you is the still the best bridge in bringing people together. I speak from experience.

i try my best at mediocrity

i am trying my best at being mediocre, stoning my presence into oblivion and keeping my opinions under my breath. so please don't say I don't compromise. i do, though i must admit i don't do it with much flair.

i've got an ego that needs to be tamed at times, an over-dynamic personality that strangely turns to shyness when the limelight is not automatically shone on me, and some very proud but personal goals that I can't share freely in my present work environment.

I'm not complaining. Just that I need the resolve to journey through this in solitude. All, in the name of dreams, money and peace-of-mind to realise the big things to come. Things are not bad. At least at 6pm on work days, I live again.

it's just a job

Someone asked me how I'm getting on at the new job recently. I dun feel much really - very numbed by events around me and I guess it's becos i've seen enough.

In short, everything's ok - it's just a job; nothing too exciting nor stimulating. I've got other distractions that ignite stronger flames and it feels kinda weird how life for me has changed to a point that my 'full-time work' no longer takes centrestage. Anyway, this is a path leading to greater times in the near future. I'll be ready soon. For now, I'll settle for a quiet, steady march towards the conquest.

summer in autumn

no i'm not referring to singapore's perennial climate. it's my summer in the month that marks the start of autumn that is also the month when my planet, stars, moon, sun and whatever else in the solar system align!

i'm very grateful that some of the recent misfortunes have been averted somehow, miraculously. tell me, how can I ever lose faith in life when so many signs tell me that i'm being watched over?! like i won't need to pay a cent for the leaking big pipes at home cos HDB said they'll pay, the water heater that refuses to heat up just light up again for reasons beyond me, my dad's hospitalisation doesn't cost me a cent in the end cos medishield can cover it...

And then I wanted to teach part-time and somehow, one assignment after another just came to me. I wanted a MNC job with regional exposure and casual work environment and then the opportunity arrived after I remained adamant in rejecting the 'false starts'. This is as good as it gets. I am grateful and the only thing I can do in return for these is to spread the joy, and contribute where I can.

love letter

dear pi

o genki desu ka?

so you read that sammi cheng wrote herself a letter and read it out loud at her concert, then you heard Tank singing Dear Tank to himself as a form of reminder and encouragement and decided to do likewise? you shameless thick-skinned copycat! ;p

heard that you've been roughing it out a little recently. things ain't too smooth but they're sure picking up, aren't they? if you could have it your way, the route is now paved to lead you to the ideal 1FTC + 1PTL career combi. so pray your 10000 watts cosmic superpower is making good connection with good heavens. and remember to show your thanks for those who've been patient with you, those who have bought you nice food with their hard-earned cash, those who tried to make things work for you just becos u gave them a call, those who accompanied you while you were bored at home, those who called you up just to see that you're ok and those who never questioned and doubted the decisions u made even when they were not the wisest. you've been lucky.

now as mystery still fills the air on what's next for you, remember to take LY's advice on not wasting your psychic power trying to make the green man on the traffic light appear (cos it will eventually appear!!!). bear in mind that PROVIDENCE CONNECTION takes priority. 心诚则灵; 相信和坚持必会有出奇不意的收获.

cheers
永远爱你的音

放空、放松。放手、放逐。

If there's one thing I can be proud of during these times, it should be how much patience I have for my situation. And how at peace I am with things. While there are feelings of uncertainties sometimes, I'm still coping fine. I guess my 'future projection' psyching works very well for me.

So for that someone who told me how worried you are over your current circumstances, I must say you need to work on positivity. Cos I think there are far more others in worse state.

Have faith. If you have a religion, then trust that your almighty will sort it out for you. For those without spiritual support, there's always the 'chicken soup' tales of how wrongs will be right if you never give up.

Tell Me

be forthcoming with me if u're unhappy
dun make me feel bad
dun make me feel weird
I hate to be misunderstood

so dun sweep it under the carpet
maybe it'll do us good
if we shout at each other about it
if we come clean about it

GREEN with envy?!

I don't mean to own the colour that belongs to Minty or even XY but according to a certain personality test developed by a Ritberger, I am characterised by the hue that the incredible hulk dons.

Most part of the analysis is nothing new to me but some readings caught my attention, especially when it explained my current 'in-between jobs' (yet again) predicament so eloquently. As I've mentioned, I've never wanted to keep hopping; it's an innate personality obstacle I just can't seem to overcome :p

"Greens are perpetually curious and always receptive to change. In fact, change is a necessary part of their lives whether it's at home, job, mate, lifestyle or image. Change is their middle name and if their life feels like it's in a rut, then they'll change every aspect of it."

Gosh, I hope by saying change is necessary part of my life in terms of MATE doesn't imply that I'm capricious to the point of being unfaithful.

Then there's a part of me that I've been analysing for a while now and the reading confirms it:

"Unlike other personality types whose natural tendency is to resist change, greens welcome the opportunity to experience new things, meet new people and learn new skills. The risk that greens face is that they're so open to anything new or unconventional that they may spend their lives flitting from one thing to another, never staying with one thing long enough to master it.

Greens have so many talents that it is difficult for them to choose one to focus on. For a green, why choose one thing when you can have it all. It's not uncommon for a green to approach midlife wandering why they've not reached their true potential. Part of their frustration results from the fact that they never stay with anything long enough to reap the rewards. Greens' lives usually read like a series of short stories with many different scenarios, each one its own adventure."

See everybody, I know I got so many talents and the problem is finding one that can sustain my interest long enough to really delve deep into it!

As for my interpersonal relationships and interaction, I know now why I always attract the 'socially-neglected' or the so called 'non-mainstream folks' (think Shawn D, K from XP, some primary skool mates and the stalker back in CGS days!):

"Greens are driven by the need to be liked and that need is so strong that they're vulnerable to attracting people who are needy or abusive."

And of course, all of you have known that I can be really sweet-tempered and a real bitch at the same time, because:

"Greens are the chameleons of the personality world. These usually gentle, amicable people often surprise others by becoming openly aggressive and hostile when they feel they're being taken advantage of or are not being appreciated as unique. This behavioral change throws other types off because a green will suddenly impose their wishes on others, telling them off or openly seeking revenge for perceived abuses."

Students or folks with lack of confidence need also to rub the dynamism from me as...
"Greens have the capacity to motivate and make others feel they can accomplish anything and they tend to take on a fearless persona. They love to be the centre of attention and lead others by their enthusiasm."

Please excuse me when you feel I speak without thinking. I can't help it, it's in my genes that "extroverted greens tend to think out loud and need input and direction. They'll openly seek emotional counsel from people when trying to make a decision."

In summary, the analysis actually compared my personality type to a car (well...I'm not too pleased with this cos it totally sounds unimaginative):
"The green's world is filled with optimism, dreams and fantasies. Their role is to create and learn. Greens are involved in life and respond to it with emotion and enthusiasm. In the automobile, the greens would be the rich leather seats, the eight-speaker sound system and the convertible top - the fun stuff!"

What are your thoughts on me being a GREEN?

Pi the Libran

Charming Libra - the seventh sign of the zodiac.

Libra stands for harmony, fairness, equality, and balance. You are considered to be the most civilized and polite member of the zodiac, because you always display an even-tempered and composed attitude.

Your ruler Venus - the planet of love, sex, and beauty - influences you to strive to create harmony, to express and show affection, and to accommodate and please others. Its romantic, sensual, and seductive energy makes you a suave and relationship-oriented person. Libra is the second of the air signs, giving you the ability to stand back and look impartially at all matters, always seeing and considering both sides before arriving at a decision.

You are sociable, tactful, and have great empathy for others, which makes you a much sought-after mate, especially since you are so refreshingly energetic, loving, and honest. Your sign rules the seventh house of the horoscope, the sector associated with other people who act as your mirror. Therefore, it describes the nature of your relationships, both business and personal, as well as your experiences with marriage and partnerships.

Your sign's mode is cardinal, meaning that you actively try to improve and work on your relationships by reaching out, making compromises, and inspiring trust in them.

Your strengths, dear Libra, lie in your diplomatic approach to dealing with others. Your strong sense of fairness makes you the perfect mediator and peacemaker, because you always manage to stay objective and consider all points of view before making a decision.

But even you have weaknesses, dear charming Libra! For example, you can be frivolous and decadent, and place value on the superficial. Sometimes, especially when you are indecisive, you can be vague, shallow, and insincere. In certain situations, you are tempted to define "fairness" to your own advantage.

* * * * *

I consider myself very Libran, exhibiting about 80% of the true libran characteristics.

The Pals Checklist

I've been thinking for a while now, on where I draw the line and set the standards on who qualifies as pals. My standards are as capricious and erratic as me myself. While the quality of friendship is not defined by time, there's no way I can deny that my best pals are those I've known for the longest.

As a self-check, and to keep myself rooted, I've decided to put up a checklist (among my many other checklists) of how to sort out the psuedo-pals from the real ones. Entry to the privileged REAL pals list is automatic, needs no application and not subject to your approval.

1) Someone who shares my level of crappiness, liking for some songs and preferences for some food is not necessarily a good friend.

2) Someone who (thinks) share my frequency and remembers every bit of the things I've said is a friend but not necessarily a pal. For palship to develop, there must be mutual exchanges and willingness from both sides to let each other into each other's lives.

3) Good friends check on your well-being every now and then. Good friends doesn't let you take all the initiative in planning to meet up or keep in contact. Good friends shares your joy and pain and won't take credit for having made life better for you.

4) Palship is not about befriending a nice good person. It's about hitting it off and a certain degree of attraction / agreement to each other's personality, value systems and background.

5) Palship is as queer as love relationship. It's an equation that is not simply derived or rewarded by compatibility, perseverance and one party's willing intention. It takes two hands to clap and a whole lot of chemistry to make it work, and last.

All the above said, I'm taking some names out of what I'll consider as friends and relegate them as acquaintances. For those who have been nice, my deepest appreciation, but point 2 and 4 still apply. Oh...feelings....you are such an unfathomable thing!

Pi-brain. Pea-brain?

I've lost a quarter of the year. Searching, hoping, lamenting then searching again. A bit of a dismay at times but still not losing hope cos this is the journey of any great people. And as you've guessed it, I count among one of the greats :p

I've been thinking for a while now that I suspect I've degenerated from the fabulous pi-brain to a pea-brainer (yes, despite being pea-brained, I can still think that I'm a pea brainer). I refuse to think hard at work, refuse to absorb any info that I consider in the category of "for the highly-intellectual", and refuse to put in my best for work. I stubbornly assert that I'm in life vacation mode for at least the next 2 years and I should be ready for the next spur just before I turn 30.

I'm like a plant nearing wither and badly needs to ingurgitate new doses of nutrients. While I liberate myself from the burden of having to perform and give my best in the arena I work in, I wish to gain from what my environment can give me instead. In a nutshell, I'm badly in need of a paid learning opportunity. That's why I thought lecturing will suit me great this time. We can learn loads from the kids!

Onto the next quarter, I hope things will look up. My knots boil down to my internal barrier which I can't cross. Perhaps one of my greatest strengths is my very high level of self-awareness and my weakness' the lack discipline and grit to overcome or make do with situations. I rather move on and pursue what might interest and engage me more. Sorry pals, I've let you down on what I've tasked you to do.

I'm also sure my critics (as if I'm some celeb again) would pin this down as a personality flaw - what's wrong with me? Why can't I hold down a job? But I really have a lot I wanna do and can do well in! I want to retire with a glorious resume that lists entrepreneur, lecturer, part-time lyricist, author, tour guide, presenter/emcee, designer, entertainment beat reporter, part-time singer, volunteer, entertainer, and maybe politician in my colourful career. Perhaps what I want to do is as whimsical as myself and I guess my ultimate pursuit is being happy where I am, to bring joy and some positive effects in making life interesting for people around me.

ps: I realised my blog's "Pi's Picks" (see right bar) lists Music and Lyrics as one of the choices. Little did I expect this to be a title of a movie running in the cinemas now.

Pipi on HumDrum

Getting used to the humdrum does not indicate acceptance or compromise. I just can't be bothered to fight a senseless battle.

Viva Saturday! Viva Recruit! A poly call me now!

Jiayou Day 5

Pipi on Weekend Blemish

The blemish to my weekend is knowing I still have to work on Sunday for no pay, no time-off and any other incentive whatsoever!

Pipi on Hope

Hope is a Mayday concert in June, Harry Potter Final Book in July and Hana Kimi II somewhere down the road :D

Jiayou Day 3

Pipi on Passion

Passion isn't worth a cent. It's worth my life, the reason I frown and the reason I smile, from within.

Jiayou Day 2

Pipi on Career

Choosing career is like buying clothes. You don't just go for the one that fits. You take the one that flatters.

Jiayou Day 1

my best one-month notice

So this is it. End of my stint in XP as at 9 Feb 2007.

I haven't made many frens there, though I've met many good folks. I didn't make big impact, though I took away big learning points.

It's the best 1-month notice I've ever served. All thanx to the facilitation I got to do during my last month with the school. Class days were such high points of my work that it's enough to redeem against the ugliness of the school's management.

This XP has got to have the coldest and weirdest management I've ever seen. No words of appreciation, goodbye, "how-to-exit" and well-wishes from a single soul. Except for the encouraging words from a few good people and my peers. It's a place I won't want to work for. It's perculiar why a place for nurturing young minds does not show as much support and understanding towards the well-being of nurturers.

It's beyond me now. But I do pray very hard deep down, that my educator dream does not get clipped. Put me in the right place with the right subject and I think the satisfaction can last a long long time.

Stay Hungry. Stay Foolish.

I taught my last class at XP today and now I'm on the brink of tearing. I had seen this coming anyway, despite a very short stint of 3 to 4 lessons with each of my 2 classes.

To my 2 lovely classes, thank you for a great journey. You made me realise the importance on deciding the kind of teacher I want to be. You taught me the grave responsibility of filling a hungry mind. You enlightened me on why I want to be a teacher.

I've inspired and been inspired.